Spring Break
by Zoe Standing Bare
Summary: I can’t stop staring at the phone." Another short little piece from Jason's POV. One-shot.


Author's Note: Well, I just liked writing Jason so much that I had to do it again. I got this idea…this morning at some point. I think it might have been when I was rewriting some poems. Anyway, it was kinda sad to write, but I think I'm getting the hang of Jason better now! Huzzah!

Disclaimer: No one is mine. Boo…

I can't stop staring at the phone.

There's this battle in my head, you see, I want Peter to call me, but at the same time, I _don't_ want Peter to call me. I want to call Ivy, but I _don't _want to call Ivy. Either way, I know that Peter won't call me, and I know I won't call Ivy.

I'm not even sure why I want Peter to call me. It's all finished, and that is for the better, isn't it? Because what I said is true…not all tales have happy ending, and there's absolutely no way ours could have. Being gay is _not_ okay, it's preached against, homophobes jump at the chance to hurt gay people…it's a horrible thing to be, that's why I can't be it.

I'm not even sure why I want to call Ivy. I know I did the right thing, sleeping with her. At least, I'm pretty sure I did the right thing. Well…I think it's a possibility that I did the right thing. I can't seem to convince myself that it was definitely the best thing to do. Because it didn't feel…right. No, that's not it. It didn't feel the way it did with Peter. And that isn't how it's supposed to feel, because it's wrong. I guess I just need to get used to it, feeling it with Ivy.

The absolutely ridiculous part is that I don't even like Ivy. Not like that, anyway. And even when I was supposed to be thinking about her, like I should have been while we were having sex, I couldn't…All I could see in my mind was Peter.

How many times have I had Peter in that position? I can't even remember. Why did that even start?

Whose brilliant idea was it to kiss him that first time?

That beautiful fall day was what really gave me the courage. It had been the best year ever, mainly because Peter was in my life now, and it felt like nothing could ever go wrong again…but I wasn't quite sure why. I realized it over the summer between our freshman and sophomore years, yearning to be back in that cramped dorm room with him instead of my big room in my big house with only Nadia to keep me company.

And a couple weeks after we got back to school, I had had enough. I wasn't quite sure what to do…I mean, I had kissed girls before, but I wasn't sure if it would be different with a guy. Or if it would just be different, because it was Peter. My best friend, my secret crush. And then I did it. Cornered him in our dorm and kissed him silly…and I felt myself flying as he kissed me back.

Whose brilliant idea was it to tell him we were boyfriends?

A day later, after not having spoken with him, Peter carefully approached me while I sat at my desk, writing a paper. He was looking at me nervously, as if he expected anger for _my_ actions the previous day. I could feel his eyes on me, and I tried to ignore them, because I wasn't sure what to do.

"_Jason?"_

_I finally look up, pretending I didn't know he'd been standing there. "What's up?" I ask casually._

_And he stares at me, before turning around…I'm almost positive he is hiding tears. "Nothing," he says softly and apologetically. "I'm going to write my paper, I was just wondering if you had figured out the differences between-"_

"_You finished your paper yesterday, Peter." I reach out and grab his arm. "What's up?"_

"_Nothing…"_

"_Look, if this is about yesterday…I'm sorry, alright?"_

_He is silent and tries to pull out of my grip. "I don't want you to be sorry, Jason," he speaks, barely above a whisper. "I want to know what you were thinking."_

"_I was thinking that I needed to kiss you."_

"_So what does that mean now?"_

"_It means I want to be with you; we're boyfriends."_

I didn't even give him the choice, because I knew it was what we both wanted.

But I couldn't really have wanted that, because that is so wrong to want. For some reason, I have to keep reminding myself that…I have to keep reminding myself that the past three years have _not_ been the best of my life, that every memory as clear as that one means nothing, because me "liking" Peter was just some silly phase that I've grown out of.

I think for a moment that I should really call Ivy.

But I can't. Because what if Peter tries to call me while I'm on the phone with her? I shouldn't think like that. Peter is _not_ going to call me, and I don't want him to call me. I just need to cut all ties.

I go through the phone numbers in my phone and stop on Ivy's, thumb ready to hit the call button.

"Jason?" It's Nadia. I look at her; she stands in my doorframe.

"What?" I snap.

"God, I just wanted to know what you wanted for dinner. Be a little nicer to your poor, fat twin sister, alright?"

I shouldn't take this out on Nadia. With a sigh, I close my phone, knowing that that was the closest I would get to calling Ivy this break. I wouldn't go any further than that until we get back to school and I have to see her.

I get up from my desk and walk over to my sister, putting my arm around her. "Whatever you want," I tell her. Nadia rolls her eyes. I think, in that moment, that I had to have done the right thing.

Peter was gone.

That was what I wanted.

And right or not, these are the consequences. My demons, which had always been fought off by my angel in the past. But that wasn't how it truly was, because Peter…_he_ (why does it suddenly hurt to think his name?) was not my angel. He was just someone who was there in the wrong place at the wrong time. That's all it meant.

The phone won't ring.

Spring break is silent.


End file.
